what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
