Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
