god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to stick my p in your. b.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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