tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
