YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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