just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
