You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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