remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
