benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
