I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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