Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
