apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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