In the future we'll all be gay
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
