We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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