now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
