Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
