By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
