Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
