I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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