Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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