did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
