I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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