How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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