I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
