ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wear drunk well.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
