Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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