He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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