i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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