So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
