His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
