i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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