yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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