She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
