he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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