I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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