I'm jealous of your bromance
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
