i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
