I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
