Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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