"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
