He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
