Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
