So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
