I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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