i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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