Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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