There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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