So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
