toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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