Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
