You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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