My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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