I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
