And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
