How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
