my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
