he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
