Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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