he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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