pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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