There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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