Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
