i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
